Currently Listening Put Your Ghost to Rest By Kevin Devine see related

i want bigger lips.

example: Julia Roberts in Closer.  her lips are gorgeous.  or maybe its just because they're smacked up against Jude Law's..anything looks gorgeous against him: aka. me. :]

so i'm completely obsessed with reading perezhilton.com mostly because i dont have a life, and mostly because i do nothing at work. one or the other. both. so today it's all been about lindsay lohan getting arrested!! again and so on and so on.  some of my friends do the same exact stuff she does and i think its goofy.  but i know me, personally, i have a really heavy conscious when i do stuff thats like "wrong" or i feel like is wrong to me.  I always get mad at myself for doing whatever I didn't feel good about doing. and i never can believe how some of these people can just like feel good about doing coke [in this case]- or whatever else they do.  i dunno. i guess i just hate not being me-and clear minded - and all that stuff makes you not you. 

im very eloquent today.

im excited about going back to miami.  mostly because of how awesome my apartment is going to be :] I got this candle walling hanging fixture for my room and all these maroon things like an awesomeeee duvet. [haha] and sheets and curtains and beautifulness.  i love it.

but also im excited about miami because its like a fresh start.  i always feel that way every year. but i always try and change how i am in certain situation- whether i think i need to be nicer or more understanding or more accepting-- its a good time to try and make yourself better.  but this year its a little different since as some of you know [well like none of you nkow], i got in a bit of trouble w. miami "officials" at the beg. of summer but luckily that all over with and I'm ready to start new things and be AWESOMExCORE, like usual :] i already have some stuff lined up.  like the miami radio station. me and my friend are going to get a show and u can all listen to it online. :]] but you wont and ill be left heartbroken.

my birthday is soon[ish]!! 20 isn't even a big deal.  sigh. im too young.

Currently Listening Act II: The Meaning of, And All Things Regarding Ms. Leading By The Dear Hunter The Bitter Suite Pt. 2 see related

i haven't written in here for a while, but harry just wrote an entry and i've been thinking about xanga lately and how ive betrayed it.  it always helped me to cleanse my mind and get things out.  so whoever reads this--.

there are two people in my life right now that are clogging up my insides.  that sounds kinda graphic.  they are just leaches --sucking out my blood and making it all clotty.  thats good.  i mean bad.  i like feeling peaceful and okay.  and these people kinda mess up that whole feeling. its no one that would ever read this, if anyone reads this [hi harry]. 

people dont like the feeling of loss, but i want to lose them and quickly.  i tried to look at all the positives and that happiness but it's just not worth it.  and as terrible as that sounds to say about someone, i dont feel bad.  people act completely different with certain people that they think they've loved or may loose,  you'll never really loose someone you love-- is what i think.  unless its made up, like this situation.  so get fucking lost.  

i'm trying this whole new thing about being understanding and just letting things that once affected me to not get to.  its not about ignoring the situation its about seeing if the all sides and accepting it.  its not good to be too wrapped up in yourself.  its not good for you or the people around you.  i'm trying atleast.    and those two other people up there really need to learn that.

i just feel safe and good with matt. and somehow mature.  that probably doesn't make sense with the way we act sometimes but when i look at it objectively, i feel mature. somehow. 

i miss winter.  not any winter - every winter.

i wanna wrap up in a blanket.

Currently Listening Speak for Yourself By Imogen Heap see related

Okay, so you know those times when you were little and youd fall really hard or even go sledding and like run into something hard... and you immediately have a feeling you got your teeth knocked out, so you hurridly touch your mouth and feel for gaps or look for blood...

yeah i've been feeling that way a lot lately.

i liked how when i was little, i couldn't even stay up till midnight on new years eve.  and i would wake up crying, saying how i missed it and i was still in the previous year. i wish i didn't know how things worked still.

Currently Listening Put Your Ghost to Rest By Kevin Devine see related

uhh whoa oh uhh whoa oh oh

so just stay

just stay

just stay.